Threshold
by 14karatgold
Summary: Fate’s a funny thing. Before she even knew it, she’d crossed the threshold separating her past from her future…all because she’d rescued a princess. Alanna angst.


**Threshold**

_Disclaimer—All to TP. That's just the way it is._

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Alanna sighed, allowing the breeze, warm and moist from the recent storm, to blow her breath back in her face. It was really too late to be thinking about this now. She didn't know why the thought even crossed her mind in the first place. It really was far too late to be considering the possibilities of the past, and not to mention pointless, and yet her mind was streaming along of its own accord, moving in time with the breeze.

The light wind moved a few strands of her short, red hair right into her nose, causing her to sneeze repeatedly. Normally, such sneezes signified the arrival of an immortal, but not this time. No, this time it was just the wind making its already obvious presence known. Alanna snorted. No doubt _had _it been the Goddess, nothing fruitful would have from their discussion. Alanna doubted (rightly) that the Goddess would feel the need to help her Favored with a subject as mundane as this. She sighed again, and proceeded to wonder how and why the thought had ever crossed her mind.

But how _would _it have been, had Alanna not rescued Buri and Thayet? How would it have been, had Alanna found only Buri? She'd never thought about it before. All that she'd had time to think about when she'd returned to the castle was the coronation, her standing in the Court, the Dominion Jewel. She hadn't given even the slightest thought for what would've happened if Thayet had not been brought back with her.

She would've never watched the light dance in Jon's eyes, as Thayet entered the study in the dead of night.

She would've never seen the drawing on Jon's desk that had convinced her that she was Jon's past, and Thayet was Jon's future.

She would've never witnessed their wedding, or the births of their children.

Oh yes. She knew that much, but what _would _she have seen? Bared witness too? Delighted in?

She would've definitely stuck to her decision not to be queen…at first, but whom else would Jon have had? He would've had every frilly princess imaginable itching for his hand, but both of them knew he would never tolerate such a one for long. Maybe Alanna would've been forced to acquiesce after so long, not only because she was unable to see any viable alternative, but also because their feelings for each other were hard to ignore without something (like spouses) to get in the way. She admitted they'd have made a good match as a couple, but she still clung to the idea that they would've made a terrible mess of things as monarchs.

"Mommy," came a shy voice from her knees. She reached down and picked up her eldest child without a word and situated him comfortably on her hip. He threw his arms around her neck and promptly went to sleep.

Against his snores, Alanna was forced to include a variable into her equation: her children. Had she married Jon, she wouldn't currently have her three wonderful, loving children. This realization proved one thing to her—she and her alternate were two very different people. She couldn't even imagine being mother to any children but the ones she currently had. She couldn't seem to bear the idea that they wouldn't have existed in this alternate world she had thought up. She wanted to stop thinking right there…but couldn't. She hadn't yet reached a dead end.

Thom was snoring lightly against her hair. For the first time truly, she savored it, not wanting to think any further about how her barest choices had dictated whether or not he would exist. On the brink of tears at the thought of never having her son, she took a new approach and cleared the thought away.

Where had Thayet been most important to her survival? Where was it that without her, Alanna wouldn't exist right now?

The Roof of the World. Alanna would never be certain, but she had the distinct feeling that had Buri and Thayet not been with her as she collected the Jewel, she wouldn't have lived to bring it back.

She wouldn't have lived to experience her previous thought of marrying Jon.

She wouldn't have even had the choice.

She sighed once more, thinking about Jon. She thought back on their nights together and smirked. _Finally _he was wrong about something—they weren't meant to be. With Thayet, they were separated. Without her, Alanna was dead, and, in turn, it was likely that Jon was too.

She put Thom to bed, being sure to kiss him lightly before returning to her post by the balcony fence. Never before had she been so sure that she'd made the right choice. The way her past had been played out, she now had a husband who adored her, children who loved her, and (best of all) a life to enjoy it all with.

All because she'd done what knights do best, and rescued a princess.

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_Just a thought. Thanks for reading!_

_kt_


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